I just realized life isn't going to suck forever.

Really! I was thinking about my schedule and how I'm never going to need half the information I'm "learning". And by learning it's pretty much memorizing facts temporarily in order to pass. Hooray for manipulating the system! Hooray for Calvin and Hobbes!

Then I realized that if I can make it through this year, then if all goes according to plan (this might require me to talk to a guidance counselor other than my own), I'm going to have the sickest schedule next year and for the most part, I will be enjoying my classes immensely because they'll pertain to what I actually what to do with my life. And then I'll go to college and continue to study the things that interest me and make me feel good about myself.

Also I hung out and talked with amazing people towards the end of last week and this weekend (lol hi Grace! ME DUELE EL ESTUPIDO) and they were so supportive with everything and they helped me through a rough time and I'm not even feeling as intimidated and worthless anymore. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for my friends.

Holy crap, I just might get through this.

And on top of it all, it's Christmas season! And somehow it's not even getting ruined from all the work I have.

Never thought I'd say this already, but I love life.

mood: ecstatic

Today is my mommy's birthday! YAY MOMMY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! So we're going to Boston to visit my grandma and we're coming home tomorrow.

Yeah I knew I wouldn't update this much during the school year. No time man. But I've been keeping up with the whole sleeping thing (minus the past week because I've had an exceptionally overwhelming amount of work, but it has lessened). AP English is by far the hardest class I've ever taken in my life with the most intimidating people and the most work, Honors Physics is impossible, and I feel like an idiot. But everything else is okay for the most part. Surprisingly, US History with Saluga is my favorite class, and I actually talk. What a concept. Also, there is a direct correlation between my schedule and my mood. The first 4-5 periods of the day are managable/really easy so I'm content, but then Physics and English come along at the end of the day and I get depressed and am in a sucky mood for the rest of the day. Unless there's rehearsal for the musical, which is the best part of my day. I'm glad I did it, even if I sometimes am intimidated.

I finally got my lazy ass to a Driver's Ed class this morning. Drug and Alcohol Part A. As if I haven't spent 5743957593 months learning about that already. I do however understand its necessity and dire importance. The reinforcement is good, especially for people who sleep through every single class they take. It was cool looking around the room and noticing that I was the only one awake/actually paying attention. But hopefully one of these classes will sink in for those people and they'll learn something. And as dumb as some people think the videos are, I think it's really important that they're shown. We watched one today with scenes from a fatal accident (the driver's BAC being tested, the passenger in the ambulance, the ER, breaking the news to the parents, etc.) with a father's eulogy playing in the background. It was so incredibly sad. Words in the classroom are just too empty to demonstrate how serious driving under the influence is. Even I can't feel how horrific it is until we watch a video like that, and even then I can't comprehend how terrible it is. I've never lost anyone due to that. It's just terrible and I wish people would pay attention and understand.

mood: okay music: Yes I Do - Rascal Flatts

My plan to finish summer work:

Wednesday: Read second-to-last chapter of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek in the morning
                     Final eBoard post
                     Read last chapter of Pilgrim at Tinker Creek before bed
Thursday: Takes notes and write report on The Great Gatsby
Friday: Take notes and write report on Reading Lolita in Tehran
Saturday: Take notes and write report on The Seagull Reader essays
Sunday: Take notes and write report on Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

On Monday I leave for North Carolina for a week, and if I follow my schedule, all I'll have left to do is read In Cold Blood, write the report for it, and do the math packet. I'll read In Cold Blood by the time I get home and have it finished...if I don't get the chance to write the report in NC I'll do it in the two days I have left before school. I'll do the math packet in NC too.

And then the school year. Oh man. I didn't realize till today how much stuff I'm doing. Okay so I'm taking one AP and three honors classes which is a death sentence in itself, but of course I'm also doing yearbook, Once on This Island (lol that is if I make it), dance classes, voice lessons, and driver's ed. I'm so dumb. However if all goes according to plan I'll be done with driver's ed by November/December and the musical's over in November so that frees up a lot of time after that's all over. Despite my already swamped schedule, I do feel somewhat optimistic about the year to come. I'm not sure if the social life will be exactly thriving this year, but it's okay because I do have a bunch of classes with friends. And I'm sure I'll be free some weekends. I'm really going to work on time management because if I don't I WON'T survive. Guaranteed. I'm not going to waste my study halls (at first I was upset that instead of an elective I have an extra study hall, but now I'm quite grateful for it), and I'm not going on the damn computer nearly as much. I'll have it turned off whenever I have work to do. If I need to use the computer for homework, I'll either use my dad's (less distraction) or if I have to use mine, I will DEFINITELY not be on AIM. I've wasted too much time in my life on that, MySpace, Facebook, etc. and I'm done. I simply do not have time for it anymore and although I'm not giving it all up completely, I will be on significantly less. I am going to work hard, be productive, not waste my time, and SLEEP. I'm determined to make this the best school year I've had since elementary school. I really hope I don't cave in halfway through the year. But I know I can do this and I'll make it. I am going to make the most of this year, and it's going to be great.

mood: optimistic

Isn't it sad how you have all these cherished memories from your childhood and then when you have a chance to physically revisit the places of the memories it's different and not really as great as you thought it was? That's why as much as I love a lot of my past, I don't like revisiting it. Reminiscing is bittersweet, but that's usually about as far as I want to go. Bringing back memories and living through them in a new age kinda sucks and ruins the happy times from the past.

On a happier note, Miss Annie had me demonstrate something in ballet today which made me feel good. We also watched one of the recitals and I'm surprisingly quite happy with the way I looked (for once). I mean some things could have been a little better, but for the most part I am really happy. It's nice because I never really like the way I look when I dance. But somehow when I change my mindset and tell myself that I am not going to be a professional dancer in a big ballet company (not my kind of lifestyle), I feel better about the way I dance because I don't have to be so hard on myself. However I still have not seen myself dance Four Swans and I REALLY want to say that. I'm probably prouder of that dance than any other in my life.

mood: okay music: Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood

Please, please someone make me do my work...

I'll never finish it before school starts. Two more books? Five reports? One more eBoard post? A math packet?

PLUS Massachusetts this weekend and North Carolina for a week? Among other things?

I just can't focus on it! Someone bribe me or give me an incentive or something. I gotta get this crap done.

mood: anxious

"Going to KOHL'S with Fabular

at long last!"


And by reading that away message, it hit me that people now know me as Fabular.

And my heart swelled up with pride and joy.

I am the first openly gay Pokemon.

mood: okay music: Lay All Your Love On Me - A*Teens